14 Common Problems INFJs Deal With In Their Dating Lives

Ahhh, dating.  Bane of the INFJ existence!!  Number 14 is ESPECIALLY true for me.


14 Common Problems INFJs Deal With In Their Dating Lives


 Koty Neelis

joestpierre

INFJ – Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Judging. Quiet, empathetic dreamers with huge hearts, INFJs are one of the rarest personality types, which naturally, makes them quite odd. It’s their strangeness that makes them come off as mysterious and intriguing to others but it’s often their strangeness that creates problems within their dating lives. Here are 14 common romantic problems INFJs deal with in their lives.

1. INFJs get frustrated when they make an attempt to connect with someone and the person fails to share their enthusiasm. INFJs can read people extremely well, so when they make an attempt to connect with someone on a deeper level or discuss something that means a lot to them, they can instantly tell when the other person isn’t on the same wavelength as them. This leads them to wonder why they even bothered at all and makes them more hesitant to reveal other things about themselves in the future.

2. They want to believe in the best in their partner (even if it comes at a cost to their well being). This doesn’t mean that INFJs are perfect in relationships. They (obviously) have their share of faults too, but INFJs are one of the least likely personality types to give up on their partner. Although they know there are issues, and even when they know within their bones something isn’t working out, they will fight for their relationship longer than they should.


3. They can falter to their weaknesses if they get into a relationship with the wrong person. INFJs are very easily affected by the energy and environment around them. Their most successful relationships are with strong people who can lift them up and help them realize their potential (as INFJs are highly idealistic). If they end up in an unhealthy relationship with a lot of chaos or uncertainty, it can bring out the worst in them.


4. If it’s obvious a new dating situation is going nowhere, they will end it so they can put their energy elsewhere. While INFJs are completely capable of casual dating, they feel most fulfilled in longterm relationships or connections with people that go deeper than the surface. If they get the gut instinct this is only a temporary thing and there’s nothing else to sustain what you have with them besides sex, they’ll quickly find a way out.


5. Even in the best relationship they can often feel a sense of loneliness and isolation. The thing about INFJs is that they’re known as not only being strange people but for having a great self-awareness about it. Although they might be happy in their relationship and content with their dating life, INFJs can still feel a great deal of loneliness and a lack of feeling understood. This leads to them needing time alone to deal with what they’re experiencing within.

6.  It can be difficult to let someone else in, even if they want to get close to them. INFJs hold their wounds close to their heart. The things that they’ve overcome that have made them who they are today can be difficult to reveal, even to the people they love and care for the most. This creates problems in their relationships when their partner tries to break down their walls and has a hard time getting through.


7. They can get too in their head about things. INFJs can be intense people. One of their flaws is overthinking things that are much simpler than they make them out to be or over analyzing situations before they proceed.


8. INFJs prefer to live an unconventional lifestyle. They aren’t driven by the same things (wealth, material items) as most of society and are more interested in experiences vs possessions. They need something a little different in life to feel content and fulfilled and sometimes this can create problems in dating if they find themselves with a partner who grew up (and wants) a more traditional lifestyle.
9. They have a hard time connecting with someone who can’t slow down and enjoy the little moments in life. INFJs have difficulty in bonding with people who live a fast paced life or have to constantly be surrounded by others. It’s not that INFJs can’t develop happy relationships with extroverts but they need a partner who places an emphasis on one-on-one experiences together because that is where an INFJ truly flourishes. It’s the moments when you’re doing seemingly nothing together except just hanging out and talking, sharing your stories and thoughts, that an INFJ feels like they are really bonding with you.

10. INFJs struggle with bouts of depression. As creative types, INFJs can struggle with depression during moments of artistic blocks or when they don’t feel like the work they’ve produced is good enough. Other times they deal with periods of sadness when they’re feeling particularly lonely or misunderstood (as mentioned previously). Their feelings about their artistic work and inability to feel understood can affect their relationships if their bout of depression lasts long.


11. The inner world of an INFJ is so much more than what you see on the outside but it takes time for them to reveal that side to others. INFJs have an innate ability to develop rich inner worlds they can retreat to when the outside world becomes too much. Their inner-self closely mimics the personality of an ENFP – energetic, fearless, outgoing. It’s not that they have a problem bringing these two sides of themselves together to be a thoughtful, witty, outgoing person in social settings, but it usually isn’t until they feel comfortable with people to really show their true personality.
12. INFJs can be easily disappointed. They are highly idealistic and are always dreaming up some new big idea, not only for themselves, but to share with their partner and loved ones. The problem comes when they forget to maintain a level of realism and find their ideas blowing up in their face. The easiest way to deal with this is for their partner to help keep them grounded during their bouts of daydreaming.


13. They can be just as self-absorbed as they can be loving and generous with their time and attention. While INFJs are known to be self-sacrificing in their relationships, they also can be just as easily self-absorbed depending on what’s going on in their life. They want their partner to be just as enthusiastic about their life’s endeavors and pursuits as they are but, obviously, this doesn’t always happen. While they are warm-hearted and empathetic individuals, they can also go off into their own world and forget about others until they come back out again.


14. Sometimes their greatest romantic interests will turn into nothing because INFJs rarely initiate anything in dating. INFJs have a problem with being the first one to show interest or to reveal their feelings when it comes to matters of the heart. They would much rather observe the other person, over analyze every possible situation and outcome, and slowly test the waters before even giving a small piece of themselves. Even if they have great admiration for someone or get a big crush on another person, an INFJ will often bury that feeling within themselves until they feel (through their observations) that the other person is also interested. Unfortunately, this isn’t a great dating method and leaves INFJs wondering what could be with someone all because they refused to initiate anything.

We have some work to do, INFJ's!!


November 24, 2015

25 People Share The One Thing They Wish The INFJs In Their Lives Understood

Heidi Priebe

javanandre

1. “It’s okay to want to feel safe and secure with everyone in your life. But know that it’s also okay to be unsure. People close to you are going to hurt you–not on purpose, they just have trouble seeing things from your perspective. Don’t give up on people who won’t give up on you.” –ENTP

2. “I’m out here! I’m one of you! We both do the same thing! We can trust each other and connect, and it will really be okay.” –INFJ

3. “Stop planning for once and follow your heart!” –ESFP

4. “Oh my gosh you are my favorite people thanks for being so nice and not ever letting me get pushed around.” –INFP

5. “Thanks for being understanding but if I’m close to you, I would love you to take my side sometimes instead of always remaining a neutral party.” –INTP

6. “You are amazing. Seriously. And a total conundrum at the same time. You can be incredibly caring, and incredibly cynical at the same time. Just don’t let your ability to read what’s wrong with the world blind you to all the good things.” –ENTP

7. “To most of you: are you SURE you didn’t mistype yourself? To the one who actually is an INFJ: I will gladly sit at your feet and learn from you all the day long. Let’s muse internally about the nature of time and truth together.” –INFP

8. “You’re not helping by enabling your unhealthy loved ones… its just the same patterns repeating themselves.” –ENFP

9. “If we sit in a room together and don’t say anything, it’s really okay. Don’t take it personally. I spend a lot more time on particle physics and structural integrity than you probably want to.” –INTJ

10. “You may know things by strong intuitions and feelings, but I know things by observing too. You are so careful and idealist but I can predict your next step because it’s so obvious in my observation.” –ISTP

11. “You don’t have to ‘process’ for six months before making the next move.” –ENFJ

12. “Please no more posts about how to be kind to an introvert. We get it.” –ENFP

13. “You’re my soul siblings. Out of all the MBTIs, I feel a natural affinity with you the most! Thanks for being here when I need to moan and for sharing in my melancholic worldview.” –ISFJ

14. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Stop being shy and find me. We will change each other’s worlds.” –ENTP

15. “You guys are cold bitches or divine loving goddesses and I wish you could figure out how to be something in between for the daily interactions. Also, so many more of you think you are INFJs and you’re just not, sorry… usually you’re really spent ENFJs.” –INFJ

16. “You are the most valuable, soulful people on this planet. Your insight is the stuff of the gods. But don’t forget to love yourself – not just in a metaphysical sense. Love yourself as tangibly as you possibly can. If you want something, go for it. Buy yourself that thing. Flirt with that hot person. Your needs are just as important as everybody else’s. Also. Don’t let your extrovert-mask drain you. Say no when you need to. Stand up for your needs, your time, your very own self. You is kind, you is smart, you is important.” –ISTP

17. “I love you guys, thanks for getting out of your shell with me. Be more outwardly confident and you will go far.”
-ENTP

18. “Sometimes I get irritated by your Jness and got-it-togetherness, but I really appreciate how deeply you get me and your stability as a friend.” –INFP

19. “Please don’t carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, you can’t change people and I’ve only ever seen it cause you heartbreak.” –ENFP

20. “I’m here for you in any form. But I also need you to be here for me. I need to be able to rely on you. Because it’s not fair that you have decided you just get to retreat from all conflict.” –ISTJ

21. “Most people in your life will not understand you, the way you feel so strongly about certain things and the ideas you come up with. This is okay. Love them anyway, even if they can’t understand you. And never stop talking about your beliefs.” –ENFP

22. “You get us on a weird spiritual level. You keep me grounded, you listen, and your wisdom never ceases to be well beyond your years. You need to stop overthinking every detail. Believe it or not you have things much more figured out than most of us.” –ENFP

23. “I feel like you make life too hard for yourself sometimes. Pick your battles, save some energy.” –INTJ

24. “You have good instincts but it’s dangerous to walk around in life with this attitude that you’re always right. Be open, question your instincts, and listen to your opponents in life, for they can teach you the most.” –ENTP

25. “You’re beautiful souls but I want to see more action behind your words.” –ENFP

Free StrengthsFinder (ish) Test

So if you ever wanted to try out StrengthsFinder and are feeling rather Scottish (read: penny-pinching), this may be a good option for you.  AND it's printable.


As is most of the internet if you know the right keys to punch, but I digress.  Here's your link:  http://freestrengthsfinder.workuno.c...nder-test.html


And, best as I can fit them, here are my results:

Talent	Strength Potential	Main Objective	Description	Score	Video explanation
1	Student	Learn	Learn to do things to reduce time to performance	People with the Student talent have a great desire to learn and continuously improve; the process of learning, rather than the outcome, engages them.	98	Click Me
2	Thinker	Intellect	Intellect and think to filter information.	People with the Thinker or Reasoner talent are characterized by their intellectual activity: introspective with an appreciation of intellectual discussions.	98	Click Me
3	Solutions Finder	Ideate	Ideate new ways to solve problems.	People with the Solutions Finder talent are fascinated by ideas. They are able to find connections between seemingly disparate phenomena.	98	Click Me
4	Believing	Believe	Believe and doing the 'right thing'.	People with the Believing talent have certain core values that are unchanging. From these values emerges a defined purpose in life.	98	Click Me
5	Visionary	Futurist	Envision a better Future.	People with the Visionary talent are inspired by the future and what could be, inspiring others with their visions of the future.	96	Click Me
6	Personalizer	Individualize	Individualize people to understand their differences.	People with the Personalizer talent are intrigued with the unique qualities of each person. Their gift is to figure out how people who are different can work together productively.	96	Click Me
7	Potential Cultivator	Develop	Develop People's Potential.	People with the Potential Cultivator talent recognize and cultivate the potential in others. They can spot and get satisfaction with the signs of small improvement.	96	Click Me
8	Understand Others	Empathize	Be Empathic to people emotions to help solve them.	People with the Understand Others talent can sense feelings of other people by imagining themselves in others' lives or situations.	93	Click Me
9	Commitment	Responsible	be Responsible in order to complete activities.	People with the Commitment talent take psychological ownership of what they say they will do. Taking responsibility and adhering to values such as honesty and loyalty.	93	Click Me
10	Initiator	Activate	Activate new Projects.	People with the Initiator talent can make things happen by turning thoughts into action. They are often impatient.	93	Click Me
11	Presenter	Communicate	Communicate (messages) information.	People with the Presenter talent generally find it easy to put their thoughts into words. They are good conversationalists and communicators.	91	Click Me
12	Integrator	Include	Include left out people to generate Social Improvement.	People with the Integrator talent are accepting of others. They show awareness of those who feel left out, and make efforts to include them.	91	Click Me
13	Consensus	Harmonize	Harmonize in order to solve conflicts.	People with the Consensus talent look for seek harmony. They don't enjoy conflict; preferring to find areas of agreement.	89	Click Me
14	Motivator	Positive	Positive attitude and motivation to move people.	People with the Motivator talent have an enthusiasm that is contagious. They are upbeat and can get others excited about what they are going to do.	89	Click Me
15	Group Relations	Relate	Relate in order to integrate groups.	People who are with the Group Relations talent enjoy close relationships with others; finding deep satisfaction in working hard together with friends to achieve a goal.	89	Click Me
16	Prudent	Deliberate	Deliberate carefully to find a safe solution.	People with the Prudent talent take serious care in making decisions or choices. They can anticipate obstacles.	89	Click Me
17	Unifier	Connect	Connect and unite people & things.	People with the Unifier talent have faith in the links between all things. They believe there is a reason for every event.	89	Click Me
18	Recognition	Significant	Get Recognition and be in front of others.	People with the Recognition talent want to be seen as very important in the eyes of others; highly independent, they want to be recognized.	89	Click Me
19	Equalizer	be Fair	be Fair and treat people the same.	People with the Equalizer talent are keenly aware needing to treat all people the same and fairly, by setting up clear rules and adhering to them.	89	Click Me
20	Information Excavator	Information Input	To dig and validate information.	People with the Information Excavator talent have a craving to know more. Also enjoying the collection and archiving of information.	87	Click Me
21	Flexibility	Adapt	Adapt in chaotic environments.	People with the Flexibility talent prefer to 'go with the flow.' They tend to be 'now' people who take things as they come; living one day at a time.	87	Click Me
22	Analyst	Analyze	Analyze to find root causes.	People with the Analyst talent search for reasons and causes. They consider all the factors that might affect a situation.	87	Click Me
23	Planner	Strategize	Strategize; Plan and identify relevant obstacles (to avoid them).	People with the Planner talent create alternative ways to proceed. Given any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns or issues and find a functional path.	84	Click Me
24	Prioritizer	Focusing	Focusing on important things.	People with the Prioritizer talent can take a direction, follow through, making adjustments necessary to stay on track; prioritizing, followed by action.	84	Click Me
25	Organizer	Arrange	Arrange and Optimize resources.	People with the Organizer talent like to figure out how all of the pieces and resources can be arranged for maximum productivity.	84	Click Me
26	Excellence	Maximize	Maximize performance by Focusing on People Potentials.	People with the Excellence talent focus on strengths as a way to stimulate personal and group excellence; seeking to transform something strong into superb.	82	Click Me
27	Confidence	Self-Confident	Self-Confidence to lead or create new ways.	People with the Confidence talent feel assure in their ability to manage their own lives; possessing an inner confidence that their decisions are right.	82	Click Me
28	Historian	Contextualize	Contextualize Situations in order to not repeat the same mistakes.	People with the Historian talent enjoy thinking about the past. Understand the present by researching its history.	80
29	Winner	Compete	Compete with others to win.	People with the Winner talent measure their progress in relation to the performance of others. They strive to be the first place and love contests.	76	Click Me
30	Stucturer	Disciplined	be Disciplined and create routines to avoid rework.	People with the Structure talent enjoy routine and structure. Their world is best described by the order they create.	76	Click Me
31	Foreman	Commanding	Commanding and direct (people).	People with the Foreman or Capitan talent have presence. They can take control of a situation and easily make decisions.	71	Click Me
32	Hard Worker	Achieve	Achieve results.	People with the Hard Working talent have a great deal of stamina. They take great satisfaction from being busy and productive.	69	Click Me
33	Fixer	Restore	Restoration and troubleshooting to solve problems.	People with the Fixer talent are adept at dealing with problems; their give is to figure out what is wrong and resolving it.	64	Click Me
34	Charismatic	Meet People	Meet People to get new relations.	People with the Charismatic talent love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over; deriving satisfaction from breaking the ice and making connections with another people.	53	Click Me

24 INFJ's Explain The One Thing hey Wish Others Understood About Their Personality

Heidi Priebe writes a great blog specializing on MBTI personality traits.  This one seemed fitting today:  http://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/10/infjs-explain-the-one-thing-they-wish-others-understood-about-their-personality/

October 9, 2015

24 INFJs Explain The One Thing They Wish Others Understood About Their Personality

Heidi Priebe

   

INFJs are the deep, empathetic intellectuals of the MBTI world. Making up less than 1% of the population, this type is hard to come by and they are often profoundly misunderstood as a result. This week, I surveyed INFJs on my Facebook page to see what they wish other types understood about them. Here’s what they had to say.

kfabin

 

1. “We aren’t the gods of over-feeling. We have strengths when it comes to empathy, but that doesn’t mean we’re the best. Also, INFJs can be influential in the arts… and the sciences.”



2. “Even though I may give off an intense vibe, I’m really easy to talk to. As long as one is being genuine and honest with me, I will greatly appreciate them for trusting me to show me their vulnerability.”



3. “I understand you because I can strongly empathize with you, but that doesn’t mean that how you feel or think is necessarily how I feel and think.”



4. “No matter how I come off, my actions are usually carried out with good intentions to help or provide insight… but I can be intense… and misunderstood.”



5. “Intuition isn’t magic, or assuming, or guessing. Stop rolling your eyes for a second and I’ll absolutely try to translate what made me think something in a more linear way. It’ll be messy because it’s probably something about people, and people are complicated, but I’ll keep trying as long as you’re patient with me.”



6. “It’s not like we want to be special, hypersensitive and misunderstood. The order of our cognitive functions makes us very exhausted and a lot of us wish they were another type. We have to accept ourselves and it’s not always that easy.”

 

7. “I’m really tired of people telling me I’m too sensitive. Especially when I’m usually their biggest advocate. And also, my strong sense of right and wrong, and attention to detail doesn’t make me a snob.”



8. “Don’t be so willing to let us shut you out. We can be difficult, but encourage us to let you into our strange, spectacular inner world.”



9. “I really don’t have an ulterior motive of personal gain; I really do just want you/the situation’s potential to be realized.”



10. “Our need for peace and harmony can make it difficult to understand our own feelings because we want the other person to be happy. Give the INFJ time to sift through and decide how they really feel about issues.”



11. “There’s more to me than being sweet or my resting bitch face exterior.”


12. “My passion and feelings are not a negative, they are just different from the thinkers ways. It takes time and energy to live in middle, but we do want to live that way… it just takes more energy to do so than others have to expend.”

13. “Though we may appear outwardly confident and self-assured, we are often crippled with self-doubt internally. More than anything we just want someone to understand us the way we seem to understand everyone else. Even having someone sincerely make the effort would feel like enough.”

 

14. “We get stressed and sometimes it’s best to give us our space.”



15. “We may look dreamy and mysterious but we are super perceptive about situations and have clarity regarding how other person’s core personality is. The only one able to fool/delude ourselves is us and don’t lie to us unless you want to get cold shouldered.”



16. “I would always rather spend time individually with each person at a time, than be in a large group where people are competing to talk.”



17. “Don’t treat us like we’re crazy if we do happen to actually let you in, Especially if we’re not as confident in our intuition just yet. It took a lot to trust you and if you take that for granted, you would’ve been kinder to just set us on fire.”



18. “We’re not psychic. We’re not. We are constantly aware of how we imagine people to be feeling, and we treat them as such, and very often we’re right (because of those killer intuitive instincts), but sometimes we’re wrong. It’s not a foolproof thing.”



19. “I’m not actually an extrovert who wants to singlehandedly save all the orphans and bring down corrupt governments. I just cry about not being an extrovert who had enough energy to save all the orphans and bring down corrupt governments.”



20. “I judge myself as harshly as I judge you.”



21. “I am NOT perfect. I just don’t like broadcasting my problems to the world. If I have told you about them, then that means I really trust you, so congratulations to you for getting me to open up.”



22. “We have problems with working out our own emotions from what we perceive everyone else’s emotional state may be. We value truth and genuineness over anything else. The thing is, if we for any reason begin doubting our gut or intuition in terms of relationships because of something you did that broke our trust, things tend to fall apart. We retreat into our heads and obsess over, question, and relieve every event until we are so worked up that the relationship crashes.”



23. “Don’t take it personally if we are really into you one week and totally closed off and hermit-y the next. We still really like you; we just need alone time.”



24. “I sometimes know you better than you do but I’m still always working on finding myself.”