Over the course of my lifetime I've been blessed enough to recognize many good things handed off to me. I've also known quite often and intimately the double-edged sword of deep, searing personal pain enough to seek understanding of why it's happening and that there is a greater purpose for its presence in my life.
The curse is that sword hurts terribly and it costs me dearly. Every time. The blessing is there's always a lesson to be learned that will:
1) make me a better person for accepting it and learning from it
2) ease the burden of someone else experiencing the same trauma I did a little further along life's path by sharing
3) help me see how far a long I've marathoned in my own personal growth, and
4) enable me to make better choices for myself in the future.
As my buddy Jeb likes to say, "Win-Win!"
Yes, I'm forecasting a bit into future posts when I'm finally comfortable enough to tell you more about the purportedly atypical life experiences that shaped my thought processes and continuously (side note: would you believe I just Googled "continually vs. continuously" to find the most accurate translation of my intent? TOLD YA this blog is helping my writing skills!) mold my perspectives of all things life and living, closely shadowed by death and dying (but let's keep it positive here and focus on the former, not the latter, shall we?).
My sweet, insightful friend CeeCee reminded me recently that our stories help other people (as mentioned above), and that I should share mine to help others. I'm reticent to delve into many of the experiences that framed my existence from childhood into adulthood and beyond. One, as Unity taught me "I am not the victim of the world I see". I don't want anyone's sympathy for the catalysts I chose to help me arrive at my current destination in life. Two, if framed incorrectly, the true stories I tell could possibly incriminate teachers of life from my past who are no longer in the same frame of mind nor relationship to and with me. It's past, it's gone; nothing can change it except perhaps dementia (or ridiculously rewritten history books in the far future, but that's a rant I'll leave to another day). Learn the lesson and move on, you know? Salvage what you can, leave the rest to infinity and beyond.
Third, I wasn't perfect, either. Still aren't. Doubtless never will be outside of the initial twitterpated "get to know you" phase of any type of relationship in which each person psychologically views the other person as they wish them to be instead of who they actually are (fantasy vs. reality, projection vs. real love/true acceptance, etc. - rabbit trails, again, but gosh, SO worth mentioning!).
News Flash: I'm QUITE human/fallible and frankly, my responses and reactions to things thrown my direction weren't always received with humble grace and dignity; quite the opposite on more than a few occasions. Okay, many occasions. Anyway, I have my pride (too much, lawdy!), and the death knell of any relationship for me is being intentionally publicly embarrassed, especially on a continued basis. I'm a terrible liar, typically honest to a fault, and a strong proponent of authenticity where at all possible, so I'm likely to incriminate myself in the light of sharing both sides of a story to give you a fair position from which to judge the situation, thereby embarrassing myself publicly, inciting the need to break up with/dump myself.
That could be quite messy.
Sooo....
It's a given in my life that no one is just the culmination of their worst thoughts or deeds (YAY!!!); especially as these days I prefer to see the best in people, greater good in situations, and an intentional purpose for all things in the big picture of our existence. I realize this is a personal choice, and yes, there are down days where even I can't believe some of the events in which I've partaken, or why I still care at all for the people who supposedly "hurt" me while teaching me some of the biggest life lessons I've yet learned. However, I choose to live with grace towards myself and others and keep moving forward in life. Everything is either giving love, receiving love, or a cry for love.
Let's see where this thing goes, shall we?
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