May 3, 2011 I lost something - Someone - very precious that I always wanted.  Every time I post this song https://youtu.be/dcnd55tLCv8 it's for Gracie, bar none.  

I gave up hope over the years following on ever knowing that kind of joy again, for reasons only someone put through those circumstances could possibly understand. Until just a few weeks ago, that is, when my bestie, Melissa Blackstock Edwards, and I started talking about it, which hasn't been easy to do.  She reminded me that my life and my dreams weren't over, I just needed to face some things head on, then change my perspectives regarding them (among tons of other sage advice).  Then, last night, on the phone with my precious Mom, I let some related feelings, doubts, concerns and worries spill out as well.  She told me she'd pray about it and think about it.  

True to her word, she did, all night long.  Of course she did, that's just who she is.

Today she sent me an email during lunch that made me cry and get all red-scary-faced for hours, but she further solidified what Mel had shared with me as well:  that I still deserve to have my dreams, too, just like everyone else.  And then she encouraged me to go out and get them!  Okay, still tearing up re-reading it now (of course I printed it off), but this is what I mean by sometimes people just need a little hope in their lives.  And this is why I post positive, encouraging things from time to time - because I've lived through or I'm going through something and it's helping me, so it will probably help someone else enduring a similar struggle (laughter helps, too, so you also see my snarky side from time to time on here, but I do try to balance the two).

I've decided that if I ever get the chance to have a little girl, Hope will be one of several names bestowed upon her because of the events of the past few days.  Who knows where life will lead me, but just having some hope again put some peace in my heart where pain had ruled since May 3, 2011.  I don't have to keep beating a deadened heart anymore, because hope is healing it, bringing it back to life.  

Don't ever be afraid to share hope with someone.  You just never know what a kind word or deed may mean to someone else.